Contemplating...

It's already 2010 and I am hoping again for the best this year. Actually, I am always looking forward for a good start every year. But there are really things that it's out of my control. A lot of things had happened in the past years, I have so many dreams and wishes that were not granted and things that I did not expect to happen happened.

This year though, I still wish to fulfill my wishes and dream. There might be a new diversion in my life that will happen this year but I am not closing my doors to any possibility just to reach my goal. I have to admit that I've dealt a lot of frustrations and sometimes depression but life's a roller coaster so I will just have to ride on it. Experiencing these things made me a stronger person, too. I've realized that my family needs me and I need them, too. I should also take into consideration that my personal ambition sometimes blinded me and not realizing that I neglect what my family felt, too. So, that's why this year, whatever decision I make, I should also consult my family and see if it brings peace and harmony not just to me but to everybody.

Agitated

I'm very tired today. I did a lot of household chores and attended my daughter's needs, too. We actually had a house help last month and I thought she was heaven-sent. At first, I was a bit apprehensive to hire her when I learned that she was already 56 years old. She said she wanted to work so she was hired. In all fairness, she was quick to learn that I don't even have to repeat things over. She had her own initiative and she was polite, too. Her only condition was to allow her to return home every end of the month and promised to be back the following day - so off she went last week... She did return to us 3 days after but not to resume with her work but to formally inform she was quitting. One of her kids don't want her to work anymore and of course I can't blame her. Some good things never last...

...so, in other words, I was only able to rest with my household chores for only 1 month. Today, I was so busy cleaning the house, washing clothes, taking care of my kid (which is my priority!), cooked food, clean the bathroom, iron clothes - whew! Plus I'm the driver, too! Don't you think this was too much?! I drove my kid to school, I drove my husband to his office and I drove my mom to the banks! I tried to refuse but then my conscience was killing me, so I ended up doing them favors. Another relatives came late afternoon and asked me so many questions which I was tired of answering. Of course they can't blame me if I was already ranting. I was exhausted and very much drained and I hope they realize that not because I stayed home, I have less to do. My health was even up to no good a couple of months ago. Gosh, I am so tired right now that I wish to be in a place where no one can reach and see me just for one day... Just one day to give me a break!!!

Frustrated

I'm quite frustrated these days. I've mentioned before that we were looking for a new place to stay. But my husband's family owned another house and they wanted us to stay there. However, somebody's still occupying the place so we were told to wait until they can transfer in a month or two. Soon, we found out that they asked to extend their stay, probably until January, February if possible, next year. Now, we are the ones who are in trouble as the house we are currently living in is already fully paid by the new owner and they are even planning to have it renovated. My in laws told us not to worry because they also asked the new owner to allow us to stay until January 31st!!!

Honestly speaking, I'm not happy with the development. I kept telling (almost nagging actually) my husband that we'd better find another place to stay. You see, twice, the new owner checked our place from living room down to our bedrooms... I dunno how to say this but i somehow had had an odd feeling because we belong to a different denomination. I'm not criticizing them but I just felt that their ways might be different from ours. They might think we begged too much to stay here to think they have big plans for their new house, too...sigh...

What's frustrating, too, is that I also have plans in my life, plans that will benefit my family. But I can't do it right away because I need to pack all our things (which is plenty, by the way) and keep them in place before I do anything else! I just can't walk away with it! I'm so disappointed! And I just can't help murmuring over my frustrations these days! If only I have enough money to build a house right away but I don't! Damn this life!