Nov 24, 2009

Monster Mom

I don't think I was able to go back to sleep early this morning. I went back to bed around 4:30 am and was still very much aware of my surroundings. I forced to close my eyes until I finally decided to go downstairs and prepare breakfast around 6:30 a.m. But due to heavy rain, my 6 year old daughter was still at bed but her dad woke her up. She ate her breakfast around 7:30 and was not yet finished until 8:25 to think her class starts at 8:45! And I still need to give her bath! I was fuming mad already and what made it worst was that she started to vomit! I was already scolding her, she was crying. I became a monster mom and how I hated it!!! I hated myself for hurting my child's feelings especially before going to school. I hated it everytime I do this to her because I knew deep down in my heart I love her so much.

I was thinking of not letting her go to school anymore but I think that was so unreasonable. I drove her to school and got there exactly on time. But before I left, I told her how sorry I was and hugged her tight. I wish to bring her home with me, my heart ached so much of what I've done...

When I arrived home, I was crying. I felt terribly bad and my conscience was killing me. What was wrong with me? How I wanted to slap my face so hard for scolding my little girl. She's my happiness, my life and my everything and how dare "me" for hurting her just because she was taking much of her time and puked on her food. I pray that when she's old enough to understand, she will forgive me and but know also how much I love her.

As of the moment, my mind is with her. I pray she's ok at school and that she won't be scolded by her teacher or quarreled by her classmates because I think that will be too much for her this day. Dear Lord, please help me look after her... I pray everything's alright with her. I wish to stay with her at school but I can't. After posting this, I'll be packing our things again. So dear Lord, I'm begging...



pepperoo! my heart was crying out as i read this post. i want to comfort you and hug you. i can feel your pain, your remorse. but remember dearest, that we are only human too... we are prone to stresses and thus susceptible to outbursts. it's comforting to know that you said sorry to her. i do that to my own child too when i blow my top. i know how much you love your little girl, and like us (daughters to our mothers), she will in time understand... take good care peps... my prayers and best wishes to you and your family.